A huge part of who (or how) I am today is because of Charley Barretto. She helped me learn (err… discover?) the lessons I needed to progress.
I believe I have discovered that which you wanted me to learn so many years ago. That which you could not even begin to explain to me. That which you could not teach for to do so would guarantee my failure.
For most of my life I have relied on my intellect and it has served me well. It has also been my greatest downfall for I could not see the ultimate lesson I needed to “learn” (learning is again nothing more than a conditioned, mechanical way of the intellect to grasp an idea which would forever fall short if you want to transcend. But words begin to become insufficient when I start to talk about these things so just bear with it please).
It didn’t make sense to me that day you asked me if I would accept you as my teacher. I understand it now that for me to learn, I have to be ready to learn and ready to have you teach me. That’s why I can’t be the one to ask you if you would accept me as your student.
I’ve been witness to the greatness and the divinity that is man. I’ve finally come full circle. Now I am longing to be back in the presence of the one who helped me see that I did not need anybody nor anything outside of me.
I have found Lory. Another soul who has helped me learn another lesson… Love. Not the kind of love that Mother Theresa had for the whole of humanity. That kind of love although most noble, does not help a person transcend because it cannot threaten the individual. Love that helps you break free from the bondage of the self. Love that helps you loose yourself only to find more of you in the end. A beautiful cycle of finding and loosing that can only be had when you fully lay yourself on the table, defenseless.
You have helped me transcend my intellect so I can see my soul. You have helped me see my place in the great equation of life, reality and the universe. Oh, I have stories of magic that could rival the myths of old. But there is danger there. Danger in knowing that I am the very life, the very universe, the very power, the very God that I am seeing, seeking, experiencing could trap me into being “my self”.
Lory has helped me loosen my hold on my self. By loving her, I have given her the power to threaten me and shake the very foundation of my being, my beliefs… myself. With her, I have found the ultimate freedom every soul knows it should be. She has given me the chance to transcend that which I have spent my lifetime to find… Myself. How many times she’s cried because I could not see beyond myself. But she’s there with me still and I love her even more (if that is even possible at all) for that.
Charley Barretto, I want you to meet Lory Ambayec. She is me and I am her. We’re getting married this November 29 and I want you to be there in the ceremony. We want you to be what you have always been to us. Our Godmother.